Fatherhood has changed since I was a girl. Today’s dads come in all shapes and sizes. The relationships are often not defined according to biology, or to traditional roles. Families today may be a single parent, male or female, a single parent plus a significant other, or a mom and a step dad. You’ll find today’s dads out making a living, then coming home at night to cook dinner, do the laundry, and help the kids with their homework. They’re doing it all, just like some single moms. The following are just a few examples.
My colleague told me a story recently about his college girlfriend who went astray, getting pregnant with someone else’s baby when their relationship was in hiatus. At 19, he could easily have walked away—“not my baby, not my problem”. Not Tim Stoltenburg. He married the girl and assumed responsibility for the child, even though she wasn’t biologically his. The relationship, unfortunately, didn’t work out. Tim reports, “Though we were living together, Juna’s and my relationship remained tumultuous. She didn’t want to have much of anything to do with her child. I was the one who changed diapers, fed, and played with the little girl, Lina. It was a period of two and a half years of studying for all my college courses, frustration, and small (but poignant) joys. During the spring semester of my senior year, the relationship between Juna and I really broke down. We rarely talked, she let most of her classes slide, and during some of the roughest spots, I hid all the knives in the house and slept on the couch. I filed for divorce that summer and allowed it to be finalized in the fall. She moved out, and we both knew she wasn’t capable of taking care of Lina, so it was only a few words that were exchanged that decided that Lina would stay with me while she went to school for the fall.” Tim is not your stereotypical college male! Here is someone who understands sacrifice.
Other friends are in more traditional relationships, i.e. married with children. How wonderful to hear about intact, healthy marriages! Yes, they do still exist. There are partnerships between husbands and wives in which they manage their budgets, household chores, and childrearing tasks in concert with each other. When his wife was working full-time, Andrew Siminoff would do the laundry, make his boys’ lunches, and take the kids to school in the mornings. He would set aside a one-on-one evening for each boy, in the midst of working 60 hours a week and commuting long distances. Women aren’t the only ones who juggle! Asked about fatherhood, Andrew says his father taught him, “Sacrifice your selfishness for your kids.” He lives by this credo, and believes that teaching by example is the way to pass these values to the next generation.
Sacrifice is not normally something human beings seek out. We’d prefer to stay in our comfort zone, but life often produces challenges and hardships that force us to either step up to, or step away from difficulties. Rodney Skinner enlisted at age 18 during the Vietnam era, following the example of his father and grandfather who’d served in the World Wars. He served in the 19th Engineer Battalion from 1968 to 1971. His tour of duty included time in Bam Me Thout, close to the Cambodian border. It was there he was exposed to Agent Orange, which eventually led to the health challenges he now faces. Nine of the men from this platoon reunited after 41 years in Louisville, KY, in May 2010 to dedicate a memorial to the 104 fallen soldiers from their battalion.
Coming home in 1971, Rodney met and married Barbara Jean Callender, a young mom with three children. He fathered them, and continues to parent them, since Barbara’s death in 2009. He was only 21 when he stepped into this role, from young soldier to husband and father in under a year. Ultimately, he sacrificed his own educational goals because he had a family to provide for, a role he performed faithfully. He loved the children and treated them like they were his own.
After the heartbreak of losing Barbara to cancer, Rodney took stock of his own health. The exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam led to COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and he was on oxygen 24-7. His weight was also a concern. Rodney undertook a regimen that began with chair-based exercises using the Resistance Chair, as well as a few minutes a day on the Smooth Rider exercise cycle. He reports that all he could manage at the beginning was about five minutes at a time because he got so out of breath. Today, at 80 lbs lighter, Rodney works out 75-80 minutes a day, is on oxygen at night only, and is back to one of his favorite outdoor activities—walking. He walks about a mile now, but looks forward to longer distances. At his annual pulmonary exam recently, the doctor and respiratory therapist at the VA were astounded by his progress. In their professional experience, individuals who start using oxygen are usually dependent on it for the rest of their lives. Rodney, with his courage and persistence, is breaking the mold. At the beginning of May, Rodney discontinued usage of his oral medication for diabetes and his physician cut his insulin dosage in half. As he emphasizes, change starts “between your ears”. Despite mourning, he took charge of his health and as a result, has made great strides. What an inspiration!
On Memorial Day, we honor the men and women who’ve made the ultimate sacrifice in service of our country. In June, we remember our fathers, whether biological or not, and their sacrifices for us. May we live up to their example and standard!
Carolyn Nutovic is a certified personal trainer with the National Academy of Sports Medicine and a customer service representative for The Resistance Chair at VQ ActionCare. For more information please visit, http://www.vqactioncare.com/. Carolyn may be contacted at (877) 368-6800 or via email at cnutovic@vqactioncare.com.
