There comes a time in the adult lives of children when it dawns on you that you might have to step in and begin having a more active role in your parent’s lives, not as a child but as a caregiver. For every family, that time seems to come as a shock. 

It’s strange because we all see reports on television about the transition that we go through when the parent becomes the dependent one and the child becomes the authority figure in the relationship.  And the hardest part of that transition may be the first time you have to step in and “stage an intervention” because there is an area of life that your parent needs to let go of and you know they won’t want to. So what are the signs that it’s time to step in and suggest or directly take action to make that change in your parents lives?

When it comes to driving, your dad or mom’s doctor will be able to help by determining if your parent is physically able to drive any more. When the parent’s eyesight dims to where he or she cannot distinguish details in the distance or when depth perception is poor, it may be time for your parent to give up the keys and let someone else do the driving.

The time to start the process of moving mom or dad out of their own home and into an assisted living facility may be trickier to determine. As with driving, the senior will mount every effort to appear to be competent to continue to live independently. That ability to live on their own, go where they want when they want and take care of their needs is so fundamental to who they are and to their self esteem that this transition from living on their own to living where everything is done for them is emotionally difficult. 

So you as the caregiver need to watch for signs that your parent’s ability to take care of the house and of themselves living independently has changed.  Some of the symptoms are:

• How is your mom or dad’s health holding up?  Are they eating well? Check the pantry and the refrigerator. Is it full of good things to eat, fresh foods and lots of supplies for cooking or is it sparse showing that going to the grocery store is a trial for your parent?
• Are your parents taking care of themselves? When you come over, do they look like they are sleeping ok? Are they groomed and clean? Are their clothes clean and ready to use or is everything wrinkled because it’s too hard to do the laundry and press shirts and blouses?
• How does the house look?  Is it in good repair?  Is it picked up and the kitchen clean?  If mom was always meticulous about her kitchen and now it’s always a mess, she may be having trouble keeping up with the housework.
• Does mom or dad stay home all the time?  Were they always up for a car trip, an outing to church or even just the grocery store and now they aren’t? These could be signals they are becoming a homebody with no desire to get fixed up to go out.

Of all these symptoms, probably the one that signals the time to step in and take action is immediate is if your elderly parent falls or goes to the floor and then cannot get up. If your mom or dad has to spend the night on the living room floor because they could not get up until someone showed up to help them, that’s an emergency situation that calls for immediate action.

Talk to your elderly parent about the risks of living alone, particularly in a scary situation like being unable to get up.  By the time such a frightening incident happens, your parent may be suspecting the time to go somewhere that they can live with greater security and safety is here.